In This Small Spot Page 12

  “Have you ever been involved sexually with another woman?” he asked unexpectedly.

  Mickey hadn’t been prepared for this to be his approach. She tried to keep her eyes on him, but she was painfully aware of the stares of the Council members on either side of her.

  “I was in a long-term lesbian relationship prior to entering St. Bridget’s,” she said, trying to keep her voice even.

  Father Thomas’s eyes popped at such a candid admission. “You… you admit you’re a lesbian?” he asked incredulously. In his excitement, he forgot to twirl his ring.

  Clenching her fists tightly, Mickey was grateful for the concealing design of her habit’s sleeves.

  “Yes.”

  Mother Theodora interrupted. “Sister Michele was candid with me about her past. Her partner died four years ago. It was a faithful, monogamous relationship. I saw no reason why Michele should not be treated the same as any of the other widows who have sought entrance to St. Bridget’s in the past. Assuming we are all honoring our vows, someone’s past relationships are not necessarily reason to deny entrance.”

  Mickey scanned the faces of the Council members. Most were neutral or sympathetic, but Sister Scholastica’s expression caught Mickey by surprise. It was “triumphant,” Mickey would realize later when trying to digest everything that happened.

  “Yes, but to admit a known lesbian to an abbey of nuns,” Father Thomas sputtered, clearly feeling that he had an airtight case now.

  “Father Thomas,” Mickey spoke up, getting angry. “I gave up an extremely lucrative medical practice to enter St. Bridget’s.” She had forgotten only three members of the community knew about that – oh well, too late now. “I also taught at one of the nation’s leading medical schools. I’ve had dozens of students and patients become infatuated with me over the years. If I had wanted casual sex, I could have had my fill, without forcing anyone – male or female or both at the same time.” Might as well shock them all at this point. “And I could have had it without the deprivations and inconveniences of living in a monastery.” She thought she saw Mother Theodora cover a smile. “Now, might I suggest that our time would be better spent addressing the specific allegations of which I am accused.”

  “I am inclined to agree,” Bishop Marcus spoke for the first time.

  Father Thomas jerked his head in an impression of a nod toward the Bishop as if someone else were manipulating his movements. “Very well. What is your response to the allegations?”

  “They are completely false.”

  The expression on his face clearly said he had expected her to deny the charges and didn’t believe her. After all, he’d heard similar denials before, only to have them proven to be lies. Proven in front of a judge and jury, leaving him standing there looking like a… He gave his head a minute shake. “You never…” he struggled to find the right word, “approached either of them?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Can you prove that?”

  Mickey stared at him. “Is that how this is going to work? I’m guilty of these ridiculous charges unless I can somehow prove I didn’t do these things?”

  Some of the Council members shifted uneasily in their seats.

  “No,” Bishop Marcus spoke again, “that is not how this is going to work. You have given us your response, Sister. At this point, I believe we should call in any others who may have pertinent information to offer.”

  “Very well,” Father Thomas acquiesced again to the Bishop’s authority. “Sister Michele, you are dismissed, for now.”

  Mickey quickly looked to Mother Theodora who immediately protested. “Father, I believe Sister Michele has the right to hear anything anyone else has to say so that she can rebut if necessary.”

  “But what if her presence intimidates them?” he argued.

  “We are not dealing with children,” Mother insisted. “If anyone wishes to substantiate these allegations, they must do so in Sister Michele’s presence.”

  Tanya and Jessica were brought in first, one at a time, as they had been part of that postulant class. Both supported Mickey’s claim that they never witnessed any inappropriate contact from Mickey toward either Wendy or Abigail, nor had Mickey ever approached either of them in the manner of which she was accused. During their testimony, Sister Scholastica gave a couple of impatient sighs as if she were itching to ask her own questions.

  Next, the novices who had had contact with Mickey testified, giving the same account as Jessica and Tanya. Mickey felt her heart drop when Sister Helen was called in.

  When asked the standard questions about any inappropriate contact, Sister Helen responded, “No, but…”

  Sister Scholastica and Father Thomas leaned forward as one. “But what?” he pressed.

  Sister Helen’s face reddened and there was an audible tremor in her voice as she said, “Last Christmas, when Sister Michele and I were rehearsing for the Christmas concert, I…”

  “Yes?” Father Thomas said, a little impatiently.

  “I developed an attachment to Sister Michele,” she said softly.

  “Did she encourage this?” Sister Scholastica asked eagerly.

  Sister Helen shook her head, blinking back tears. “Just the opposite. She tried to keep me focused on our rehearsals, avoided answering questions about herself until one day…” she paused, looking so humiliated Mickey couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

  “What did she do?” Father Thomas prodded.

  “One day, I guess I was being more insistent, trying to learn more about her, when she chastised me.”

  “Chastised how?” Sister Scholastica asked sharply. “Did she touch you?”

  Sister Helen shook her head again. “She told me her past was none of my business and she walked out.” She sat up a little straighter. “It took me a long time to understand that she had hurt my feelings deliberately to make me angry with her.” She glanced at Mickey for the first time. “It worked, and it was the appropriate thing to do.”

  Mickey’s relief at Sister Helen’s honesty was immediately dampened by an audible tskk of disbelief. She glanced over at Sister Scholastica who was shaking her head as she bent over the table, jotting notes on a piece of paper.

  After Sister Helen’s testimony, the proceedings were adjourned until the next day when Sister Rosaria and Sister Josephine were called. Sister Rosaria bustled indignantly at the suggestion that anything like this could have happened under her nose, but Sister Josephine wasn’t so certain.

  “I never was aware of anything but tension and animosity between Sister Michele and Wendy, but I had noticed that Wendy and Abigail were becoming overly attached to one another,” she said.

  “What?” Father Thomas exclaimed, looking up from his notes.

  “I was considering how to deal with it when they announced they were leaving.” She looked at Mickey. “I suspected they had help in making that decision.”

  All eyes turned to Mickey.

  “Sister,” Mother Theodora said, “I think you’d better tell them what you told me.”

  Mickey nodded and recounted what she had seen and said with regard to Wendy and Abigail.

  “Why didn’t you tell us this before?” Father Thomas demanded, scribbling furiously.

  Mickey looked at him. “I didn’t feel that making counteraccusations was necessary. Their relationship has no direct bearing on these accusations against me. I question whether Abigail is even a willing participant in all this. This is about Wendy’s resentment of me.” She glanced at Sister Scholastica. “Their relationship was inappropriate in here, even though they weren’t yet under vows, but it didn’t seem necessary to cast stones at them in order to clear myself.”

  An awkward silence filled the room.

  “Father Thomas,” said Bishop Marcus, “do you wish to call anyone else? Or do you need further information from anyone who has already spoken?”

  “No,” Father Thomas said smugly. “I believe I have everything I need.”

  Mickey�
�s heart sank.

  “Sister Michele,” Bishop Marcus turned to her, “I am deeply sorry about this entire matter.” He looked to the Council members before he spoke next. “You have had to publicly reveal more about your past than most of us would be comfortable doing. It is my sincere hope that the confidentiality of these proceedings will be honored, and that you can return to life as normal within the abbey while this matter is deliberated.”

  ╬ ╬ ╬

  Returning to life as normal was not as easy as Bishop Marcus had hoped. Even though it seemed ludicrous that Wendy and Abigail’s claim could have any legal merit, no official confirmation had yet been received regarding a possible settlement. In the meantime, Mickey felt as if a spotlight were on her all the time, a perception intensified by the fact that no one seemed to stay near her for very long. She honestly didn’t know if she was just being overly sensitive, but “I feel like a mouse living under a hawk nest,” she said to Jamie who had come to the abbey at her request. It didn’t help that every time she looked around, Sister Scholastica seemed to be watching her.

  Jamie was furious when he learned of the accusations and the aftermath. “God, Mickey, these are supposed to be forgiving, prayerful people,” he said indignantly.

  “They’re also just people,” she sighed. “And they’re scared. They’re scared of what they don’t understand. They’re scared they’ll be accused also by associating with me. The whole thing has taken on the feeling of a witch hunt.”

  And it had.

  “You managed to stir up more trouble than I did.”

  Mickey turned to find Father Andrew a few feet from her in the enclosure garden, pruning some of the rose bushes.

  He held up the pruners in response to her questioning look. “I’ve found it helps to keep busy. Idleness is not good for me.” He looked around at the nuns roaming the garden paths. “Listen.” Mickey frowned as she listened.

  “What?”

  “Exactly,” he said. “No laughter, little conversation. Look at how stiff and formal they are with each other. They don’t know where the boundaries are anymore. I’ve heard a few of them say Sister Scholastica has called some of the sisters in to ask about relationships,” he said, “but I don’t know if I believe that. We’ve been through this before,” he said as he resumed snipping rose branches.

  “Really?” Mickey asked.

  Father Andrew shrugged. “We’re human. Things happen. And then for a while, there’s this hypervigilance. For us, it was Brother Wilhelm. He actually did call people in. It can tear a community apart.”

  Mickey remembered Mother asking them all to pray for St. Bridget’s.

  “But this will pass,” he assured her.

  “You think so?”

  “Yes,” he smiled. “Nothing really happened. But your reputation is forever sullied.”

  Mickey looked at him shrewdly. “So much for the confidentiality of the inquisition.”

  He chuckled. “Yup.”

  Mickey walked on and heard her name.

  “Come and join me,” Sister Linus said, inviting Mickey to sit with her on her bench.

  “Aren’t you afraid to be seen talking to me?” Mickey asked as she sat.

  Sister Linus chortled. “I’m too old for you to try any hanky panky with me.”

  “Hanky panky?” Mickey laughed.

  “Do they still call it that?” Sister Linus asked. “Not that I ever got any. Except that time George Hennessy kissed me at the county fair. But I knew that wasn’t for me.”

  Mickey smiled.

  Sister Linus peered at her, her sharp eyes probing Mickey’s face. “How long ago did she die?”

  Mickey blinked. One thing this whole legal mess had done was distract her from what time of year it was. “It will be four years next week,” she said in mild surprise.

  Sister Linus nodded.

  “I knew some sisters who entered after losing a husband,” she observed. “Don’t know any who came after losing a wife, but our generation didn’t talk about things like that. Can’t be that different. I’m sorry.”

  Mickey’s throat was painfully tight as she nodded. Sister Linus took her hand, patting it.

  “This will blow over,” she said, echoing Father Andrew. “You’ll see.”

  Maybe’s she right, Mickey thought later that evening. The juniors were all working in the orchard again, helping to get the apple harvest in. That afternoon, Jessica and Tanya had followed Mickey down a row, setting their ladders in trees adjacent to hers. Mickey glanced from one to the other.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, as she dropped a handful of apples into the bag hanging from her shoulder.

  “We’ve decided this foolishness has gone on long enough,” Jessica announced.

  “Are you sure it’s safe to be associating with me?”

  “Uh, let’s see,” Tanya furrowed her brow as if deep in thought, “be associated with you or let that bitch ruin the dynamics of our group?” Mickey wasn’t sure if the bitch in question was Wendy or Sister Scholastica, but as she felt the same about both of them, she didn’t ask.

  “Sister!” Jessica exclaimed from inside her apple tree as she stretched to reach an apple. “Your language!”

  “Shit. Now I’ll have to go to confession,” Tanya grumbled.

  Mickey laughed, the first time she had actually laughed in weeks. They talked as they picked. Sister Regina came by to check on their progress, but rather than shushing them as she would normally have done, she simply nodded at the amount they had harvested and moved on.

  When the bell rang for Vespers and they had deposited their ladders and picking bags on the trailer, Jessica and Tanya each linked an arm through Mickey’s and walked together back to the enclosure.

  Jessica did shock Mickey by saying, “Maybe Sister Scholastica will think we’re having a three-some.”

  They took their places in their stalls, and, when Vespers was over, the three of them headed for the library to read an assignment for Sister Josephine. Sister Anselma intercepted them.

  “Sisters,” she greeted them as she neared. “Sister Michele, may I have a word please?”

  Tanya and Jessica went on to the library as Mickey followed Sister Anselma.

  “I should have come to find you long ago,” Sister Anselma said, steering them toward a quiet corner of the cloister. “I kept hoping I’d run into you…” She stopped walking and looked at Mickey. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and how angry, that you were put through that whole experience. I know how difficult it was for you to open up to me. I can only imagine the type of questions you must have had to answer, and what it must have been like to have your life dissected and exposed in that setting. You have handled this with more grace and goodness than I could muster.”

  She looked down at the black and white marble tiles on which they were standing. “I’ve never known anyone quite like you. If any good comes of this, I believe it will be that we will learn by your example.”

  Mickey stood there for a few seconds, not sure what to say. “I don’t think I realized until today how much I needed to hear some expression of support.” And all at once, the weight of everything she’d been dealing with came pressing down, and she could feel herself on the verge of tears.

  In a move that stunned Mickey even more than what she had said, Sister Anselma embraced her and said, “I’m so sorry you’ve felt so alone in this.”

  Mickey held her tightly for a few seconds and released her reluctantly. She went on to the library, her heart buoyed so that she felt lighter than she had since before Mother showed her that damned letter. No matter what happens, she thought, I will get through this.

  Chapter 21

  Mickey’s second Advent at St. Bridget’s was fast approaching. Just before Thanksgiving, Mother Theodora sent for her again. What now? she wondered as she made her to Mother’s office.

  “Venite.”

  “Pax tecum.”

  “Et cum spiritu tuo,” said Mother, gesturing
Mickey to one of the chairs. In her hand fluttered another letter. “This one is good news,” she smiled when she saw the look on Mickey’s face. “At least I hope it is.”

  “What do you mean?” Mickey asked, her heart lifting a little.

  “Well, I wrote to the superior of the community Wendy had entered prior to coming here,” said Mother. “I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to do so before. It might have saved us all a great deal of worry and aggravation, but… I must admit, I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. In going back through Wendy’s file, I realized that none of her letters of reference was from anyone affiliated with that community, which, now, strikes me as odd. Obviously, we didn’t catch that prior to her entering. I had to…” She cleared her throat. “… describe in some detail why Wendy left St. Bridget’s and the legal matter we’re embroiled in, and I asked their superior whether she could provide any information as to why Wendy had left their community. It seems she is repeating her prior pattern.” Mother held the letter out for Mickey to read. “It wasn’t known until after Wendy left, but one of the young sisters there confessed to a sexual relationship with her.”

  Mickey looked up. “So, does this mean the diocese will tell them to go to –” She blushed. “Sorry, Mother.”

  “I quite understand, and I would probably phrase it the same way myself,” Mother said wryly. “I don’t know. I have forwarded copies of this letter to the Bishop and to Father Thomas as well as to Wendy’s attorney. I may get my hands slapped for that, but I’m not convinced Father Thomas wants you to be found innocent, and I didn’t know how promptly he might act on this, so…”

  “Better to ask forgiveness than permission?” Mickey grinned.

  “Exactly.”

  ╬ ╬ ╬

  “Any response yet?” Jamie asked when he came out for a Thanksgiving Day visit.

  “Not yet,” Mickey sighed.